bitter sweet femme

Busy and Bitchy

2009-03-31T08:54:00.000-07:00

Who says I’m on a hiatus?

The past months had been very busy and bitchy. Somebody should congratulate me for I am now formally a part of the high unemployment rate in the country. It’s already summer but I don’t think I’ll be able to enjoy it. No more vacations for me. And I am still busy trying to save myself from being a bum but it seems like there are limited opportunities in the corporate world in my chosen field.

After 16 years of studying, I still consider going back to school. Man’s quest for knowledge is boundless. I’m not satisfied with the four-year course that I took. I’m still thinking if I’ll pursue for a second degree or post graduate studies. But before that, I should really get a job, a decent one.

After weeks of job hunting, I find it quit stressing and disappointing. Stressing, as what I said, there are only a few job openings where I could really apply my field of knowledge. The mismatch between the skills of the workers and their jobs, or for jobseekers, the available jobs are cannot be denied. Thus, most individuals in the country are experiencing structural unemployment. Most of them are can be seen in the Business Process Outsourcing industry. As much as possible, I don’t want to be one of them.

Disappointing, I guess I just expected too much and because I’m being choosy.

Oh well, got to go back to being busy and bitchy, job hunting rather.

Lackrymosa

2008-11-27T03:14:00.000-08:00

As they say, tears cleanse our eyes so that we may be able to see the world in a clearer view. When you feel that your vision becomes blurry, leave the job to your tears. They’ll purify your eyes for your soul to have a renewed perception of everything.

Tears also signify emotions. Crying or weeping is a way to release kept emotions like pain, melancholy, hatred, fears, and even happiness. It is a means to ease the burden suffered by a person. It may also be a sign for intense exultation.

But did there come a time that you felt you ran out of tears? Definitely not because of crying too much since the matter is that you can’t really cry at all.

When you were confronted with a lot of problems and too many emotions, and you thought that tears had started to dwell in your eyes for having too much. The thought of breaking down had already crossed your mind and getting things off your chest by means of shedding tears. But when you are about to burst into tears, there was just nothing.

Not a mere drop of water fell from your eyes. And they weren’t even watery.

Tearless grief bleeds inwardly.
~ Christian Nevell Bovee

The cuts seemed to be so deep. The wounds will never be healed. And stains will never be erased from the heart. Extreme aversion caused by so much anguish and torment cannot be lessened by a few drops of water. Already succumbed by hatred and a heart turned to a stone.

One is plated, and the other is gold...

2008-10-31T09:35:00.000-07:00

"Make new friends but keep the old
One is silver, and the other is gold"

Does this sound familiar to you? It’s a traditional Girl Scout song, a good theme for friendships. Make new friends as you go through your life, but don’t forget the ones that have been with you throughout the ups and the downs.

“Make new friends but keep the old
One is plated, and the other is gold”

But nowadays, with the deceitful nature of humans, it’s difficult to trust the people around you. You don’t know who to consider as friends for most people are treacherous. Some people would only befriend you just because they benefit from you. They gain without exerting any effort and it is in your expense. They are also known as users, free riders, or parasites, leeches to be specific. They take advantage of the kindness and generosity of their host.

This is something I learned from college. This is really how it goes in college.

If you’re wondering who I am talking about here, well, I’m referring to my thesis group mates who I have been blabbering about from my old posts. I had enough of them.

"The only shame is to have none."
~ Blaise Pascal

To make matters worse, they even added insult to injury. The fact that they did not cooperate nor help means that handing me money without even saying a word is a grave insult to me. We even had a senseless exchange of text messages. One of them even had the guts to tell me that “selflessness is just a word”. So what I did for them was just crap?! Shameless people.

"Sometimes solutions aren't so simple
Sometimes goodbye's the only way"
~ Linkin Park, Shadow of the Day

Now, some of them are apologizing. I guess this people will never learn. I got fed up. Enough is enough, I already gave them chances but they just blew it. I supposed they didn’t even deserve everything I’ve done for them.

"Thanks for the memories,
Even though they weren't so great."
~ Fall Out Boy, Thnks Fr Th Mmrs

We had lots of memories, thank you for those. Though all I can say to you now is… I. Despise. You.

TAE: Thoughts And Emotions 002

2008-10-16T01:10:00.000-07:00

“Time heals all wounds…”

Such a cliché when we talk about pain. We think that time is so generous and kind that it can take all kinds of pain that we experienced.

Pain caused by people that should be protecting us, people that should be keeping us safe from harm. Wounds that are cannot be seen but can last a lifetime. Words uttered that hurt and left scars on a child. Torment brought by the harsh reality of love’s selfishness on a loving maiden’s heart.

All of these griefs were believed to be carried away by time.

But time can be so cruel. Time, which people assumed to be the only hope that could take their pains away, can be so vicious. Instead of taking the pain away, it aggravates the agony felt by people. It makes people more miserable, increasing the anguish suffered by individuals, luring them to the dark realm of life, stranded in the shadows of the past.

"Time has a way of healing, or so they say
So why am I still left here..."
~ Urbandub, Evidence

Healing is not an easy process. You can’t just leave the entire job to time per se. It is the sorrow that leaves us stranded, and it is time that tells us how long are we stranded. Time simply reminds us to move on. Time can really help in talking the pain away, that is, if we allow it to do so. The keys in doing so are forgiving and letting go. Both things are difficult, but that is what is needed in order to move on. Forgiving and letting go are essential in the healing process.

I just wonder, when will I be able to learn to forgive and let go.

Define, define, define...

2008-10-13T11:53:00.000-07:00

These past few weeks, I felt so much anguish and it’s pretty obvious with my previous entries. But I still managed to smile though it was really stressful. I got messages from my family and friends that I believed were from the heart. That may be a small thing, but it means a lot to me.

Another thing that somehow made my mood was the activity held after our last class for this semester. As a requirement for the yearbook, we were asked to submit a self description with a maximum of 150 words. Most of us were having a hard time describing ourselves, so the class decided to have an activity to solve the dilemma.

There were 48 yellow long papers, each paper was written a name of the 48 individuals. The activity was sort of a game. The rules were simple. You just have to write something about that person, positive or negative it may be, then pass the paper and grab another paper to write on.

I was a bit surprised with the result of the activity. There were only 27 people who wrote some stuff on my paper that is out of my 47 block mates. Some were absent, others sneaked away because it was already late.

Well, here are what they think about me.
1. always generous
2. sweet, fighter, loyal
3. sweet, smart
4. palaban sa lahat ng bagay
5. kind and approachable, true friend
6. mukha namang harmless (try to look again)
7. charming at matalinong bata
8. ohh... i'm scared (ohh, you better be)
9. fun to be with, easy to get along with
10. serious type of girl
11. frank
12. sweet, mabait, a friend
13. sweet but intimidating, understanding
14. sweet and cool, with a little nudge she can also be bad
15. mataray, palaban, responsible
16. fighter
17. nakakatakot (really huh)
18. kind, serious, easy to get along with
19. snob at front, friendly inside
20. mataray
21. sweet and simple
22. makulit, attitude, responsible
23. smart, vain
24. bitch (so true)
25. smart and pretty
26. ganda
27. sobrang responsible, katuwa, mapanindigan

So that is me in my block mates' point of view. I was so astounded by what they wrote. Most of them think that I'm sweet!? Oh come on! If you really know me, I bet you'll consider me as the least sweet person on earth. And they even think that I'm kind!? I guess they just wrote it down to be a little kind to me. Some were actually true, especially the intimidating part.
Those statements enclosed in parenthesis are my side comments.
I decided to put here how they define me in order for the readers (that is, if there really are) of this site to gain insights about the weird person behind this site.

Antithesis

2008-10-02T13:54:00.000-07:00

So what is the greatest burden for somebody who is about to finish college? The dreadful thesis!

Well, it wouldn’t suppose to be a burden to me since our paper wasn’t really complicated and that there are eight members per group. Again, eight people in a group. Too many individuals for a thesis, right? I believe there should be a division of labor among the members, and that each researcher should initiate in doing something for the project, and they should be making effort in doing the study.

BUT the problem is that they’re not exerting any effort, they always wait for someone (unfortunately, that someone happens to be me) to remind them that they are conducting a study, and they would only remember that they have a thesis when the day for submission of it comes! Isn’t that great?! These things simply define them as freaking free riders!

Another thing, we got the highest grade for defense, wherein I answered almost all of the panelists' queries.

My teacher way back high school once told us,
“Know your Responsibilities and Set your Priorities.”
That was like seven or eight years ago, but it’s something that I’ll never forget. I live by it. And when it comes to this kind of situations, this is what I usually say.
I know that they already heard this line from me several times (this isn’t the first time we had to write a paper, and this isn’t the first time that I work with those people), but when will they be able to apply it? Are they really mulish?

*Sigh*

It’s 4:48AM, and I’m still working on our (or should I say my?) thesis, alone. Neither of them tried to help or offered to help. And I’m considering the idea of telling my adviser how cooperative my group mates are. Gosh, I really loathe them.

TAE: Thoughts And Emotions 001

2008-09-30T11:19:00.000-07:00

They say,
Sorry seems to be the hardest word.
But nowadays, for most people, I think it isn’t.

People can simply utter the word “Sorry” without even meaning it. For some people, it is merely an expression. Expression in the sense that they usually say it, hearing it from that person is so typical that you don’t know if he or she is earnest with what he or she said. Other folks are just merely being sarcastic with other people. That is they are saying “Sorry” just to mock other people.

What’s with the word “Sorry” that it is a big deal to me? The reason why people articulate the word is to apologize, to state remorse, or to express guilt and admit regret. And with that, what should come with apology is sincerity. Sincerity goes with honesty of expression of true feelings, earnest utterance and candor. The said statements only lead to one thing, sincerity matters to me.

I maybe sounding kind of cynical, but this is how I feel from being surrounded by stubborn people. These are the people that I can easily list as “Friends”, but counting on them is a different thing.

Dulcolax for Great Mornings!

2008-09-21T18:51:00.000-07:00

Ranting starts now,
My god!
Should everything be spoon fed to some people?!
Damn it!
Don’t you know how to figure it by yourself?!
The internet is a vast source of information, make use of it! It’s not only for Friendster or chatting.

I’m not a walking information counter or your information database.
PLEASE!
I’m really pissed off, thanks to you for making my morning g-r-e-a-t! And of course, because of you, I managed to have an entry that really sucks.

By now, I should be finishing my assignment. I should be interpreting regression results. Thanks to you...

*Sheesh…*

I really need to take a holiday…

STD: Stressed, Together with Distress

2008-09-19T16:16:00.000-07:00

It has been almost two months since my last entry. The funny thing is that my last entry was like I had a break from nerve-racking stuffs, which is something that I badly needed to have now.

So here goes another rant entry.

So much stress my thesis has caused me. We were a group of eight, but it seemed that most of the jobs are left on me. I had lots of overnights due to this thesis, and some of my uncooperative group mates just made it a sleep over. I look really exhausted and worn out. I forgot most of my responsibilities because of this damn thesis, and my mother is enraged because I can’t help in this house like I used to.

It is not only that thesis that bothers me.

Believe it or not, I do have a doppelganger! And I always see her whenever I have a class. She imitates the way I act, my expressions, and even my atrocious attitude. What a pitiful creature she is. Miss Copycat’s case is pretty hopeless since we talked to her about what she is doing and her attitude for several times but to no avail she still hasn’t done anything about the matter. She did change, but for the worse!

Two of my college friends disturb me. The water is now clear, but it got even harder to tread. I need to stay away from the both of you, it isn’t healthy anymore. We had lots of it; it’s time to take a break from it now.

The table has now turned between me and an old friend. He used to send me messages from time to time, call me whenever he liked, and ask me out for lunch. But now, everything change, I’m the one who is seeking for his help, send him messages, and call him. We both had sinned to each other from the past, but it appears that what I committed was graver than what he did. Though in reality, what he did was dire, and what I did was just simple.

*Sigh*

Ok, enough with ranting.

I can’t get over Alanis Morisette’s Ironic. This isn’t just a simple last song syndrome. The song is a big ouch for me for whatever reasons it maybe.

A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic, don't you think?
A little too ironic and yeah I really do think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought it figures

Day Off

2008-07-27T23:34:00.000-07:00

Not only stay-in maids are entitled to have day-offs, students also have the privilege to have a maximum of seven absences in a semester for whatever reason it may be because rest-days are not enough.

After a restless weekend, I decided not to go to school today. Good thing, there were no violent reactions from my mother. I got jaded from all the coursework, irksome block mates, and galling professors.

And I’m also looking forward to President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo’s State of the Nation Address. It may appear to be another euphemism, but let’s see what issues she’ll be touching this afternoon or what her plans for our country are. Well, this may be a good excuse for me to be absent, or just an alibi.

So, yeah, whatever.

In Distress

2008-07-23T17:09:00.000-07:00

There are many things to do, but so little time. Being preoccupied with so much schoolwork isn’t healthy anymore. I thought keeping me busy with school stuff is good however, it’s terribly appalling. I don’t have any other stuff to do aside from hellish schoolwork, and this teeny-weeny space in the big blog-o-sphere in some way manages to drive away my temper.

Dealing with vexatious professors and classmates is hell. Seeing them often is something I consider to be tortuous. But I can’t do anything about it since I have to deal with them whether I like it or not.

I’m actually in the middle of doing my assignment when I decided to put something here. Just to clear my mind even a bit.

Double Trouble

2008-07-22T12:21:00.000-07:00

Somebody should congratulate me for being wretched.

This Monday began satisfyingly, but it seems like fate is playing a trick on me because it ended up repulsively.

I did not encounter any problems on my way to school and during my first class. But the professor in my second class gave us a bad news concerning our class schedule. She rescheduled it which made me despise her more. Our professor in third class was absent that day which made our vacant time longer that led to something. Our original vacant period every Monday is from 2:30pm to 4:00pm, since our professor for the 4:00pm to 5:30pm class wasn’t able to show up that day, our 1.5 hours idle time became 3 hours.

So, a classmate invited us for a drink before our last class. Well, I agreed to have just one bottle since I have a report for the last class. After a bottle was emptied and a message we got from a classmate that our professor had arrived, we went back to school. We finished our report in less than 15 minutes so the professor dismissed as a bit early which resulted for a second round. We got back to the place and resumed our drinking session.

We enjoyed discussing whatever stuff we land on to which was the reason why we got home late. I got to admit that I was pretty much over my head that night. I was oblivious on how I got home, believe it or not, safely. I’m not sure if I fell asleep on the trip, one thing remains certain I got home!

Still, I have a thesis to work on which was due on the next day.

Tuesday kicked off the other way around, from the moment I woke up till the time that I was out happened to be dreadfully atrocious. I have to thank the pleasant ambiance at our place that helped a bit in simmering down my temper.

I got up at exactly 5:18 in the morning having only about four hours of sleep. First thing I did, face the computer and open all the files that I need to work on for my, rather, our thesis. I don’t happen to be Super Girl I couldn’t finish it before 1:00pm so I messaged some of my somehow reliable group mates. Thank goodness that at least three of them were already awake that morning and were willing to partake in thesis writing. In a group, there are eight members; in our group, there are only four working members. So far, the other four members did contribute something, their full names only.

Cramming is really not healthy, but that’s how my group mates want to carry it out. I guess it is because they are more powered by adrenaline rush. They think that it’s just as easy as that. Oh, why am I blustering about it? I should be grateful that at least some of them helped.

There was something wrong with me. My brain wasn’t functioning well, hangover I assumed. I wanted to rest but I couldn’t since I have to accomplish the study’s first part .Funny thing, I was surprised that I have bruises in my arms, which I don’t have any idea how I got.

We somehow managed to make the first part of the study though it’s flawed, and were able to pass it.

My second class was bull crap. I was asked by the professor to recite about our assignment. One thing I hate to do - to recite. Rarely do I get the courage to raise my hand and recite. I do know the lesson, though not that much, but I’m not sure with my answers. And as I presumed, I gave them the wrong answers. Just my luck, no one wanted to help me with that.

The rescheduled class last Monday was placed on the 5:30pm to 8:30pm slot. The professor’s way of teaching and the length of the period were very lethargic. All of us were complaining but we can’t do anything about it.

The not-so-good body condition, plus the thesis, plus obstinate group mates, plus awful professors, equal to a very terrible mood for me.

I was trying to work on my mood but to no avail nothing worked. I drank a cup of coffee which wasn’t effective. Drowned myself in sound waves, music therapy wasn’t the solution for my mood. I went straight to SM after class to have a Frappé, since I was very fortunate; they were already preparing to close the stall.
Good thing was that the ambiance at our place when I got home was quite good which someway helped in clearing my mind.

As of the moment, my mind isn't functioning well and it's almost four o'clock in the morning.

A Good Talk with a Stranger

2008-07-19T02:43:00.000-07:00

“Mukha ba akong manloloko?”
A guy friend’s friend asked as I was staring blankly outside the window flicking a cigarette.
“Uhh, yes? But I’m not sure about it since I don’t know you,” I answered.

It was my college friend’s birthday celebration at his pad somewhere in Makati. He invited a few college friends and two high school best friends. We plunged into the pool, ate, filled ourselves with alcoholic beverages, puffed some cigarettes, sang our hearts out, played “games”, and some other stuffs.

I was totally pissed off that night because of some reasons that shouldn’t be put here, so I wanted my time alone. I sat by the window, puffed the cigarette that lasted only two to three minutes. A guy sat in front of me, my guy friend’s best friend. He’s face is familiar, I seldom see him at school since we’re attending the same university. Out of the blue, he asked me something which initiated a good conversation between the two of us.

He’s a psychology major, I suppose by the way how he read a person. We talked about a lot of things. He narrated about his miserable love experience that led to open up about mine. Life issues were brought up, family problems and the like. It's as if we were really close to each other to talk about personal stuffs. We tackled different topics that steered to another matter. We happen to have our own beliefs but we do respect each other’s views. We That was a good discussion, a sensible one.

But I was puzzled when he asked me if I put on a lip gloss. I answered no with a quizzical look. I only applied powder to my face, and I didn’t even comb my hair that night. Then, he said that I looked like I was wearing a lip gloss though I smoke. As we chat that night, he kept on making remarks about my lips which made me laugh.

He asked personal questions, but I didn’t answer it all since I’m not obliged to. He even dared me for a “truth-or-truth game” but I told him that he should convince the other people to join the game. The light crept in; it was about five or six in the morning. It was time to go home so we weren’t able to play “truth-or-truth”.

I went home thinking about all the things that we discussed about.

We did see each other inside the campus, but there are no hi's or smiles whenever we passed by each other. It's as if we don't know each other, like strangers.

Banana Peel

2008-07-07T10:56:00.000-07:00

My head is overloaded, yet again. The series of events these past weeks were totally not appalling. And my mind can’t even absorb a thing today, it’s still clouded. Thoughts out of various stuffs keep on running in my mind, which I happen to find very unhealthy.

I should loosen up, I really have to. I need a rest from some things and be away from some people. But I don’t have the time for that now. Because my hands are full with school works, those stuffs keep me busy since classes started. I got to take some time alone, seeing your college friends four times a week and being with them the whole day makes me feel sort of queasy, it’s not because I don’t like those people it’s just that I want some space.

Today, as I presumed, is not a good one.
I woke up early to continue doing an assignment, but I wasn’t able to finish it.
I got to school late because of that.
I brought all of my reference books for my classes today, but I was upset to find out that we were excused from our second class meaning that my effort for bringing a large and thick book was wasted.
We, this time it isn’t only me, were exasperated by our most irritating block mates. I really can’t stand their bull crap ideas. They all keep on talking at the same time; they don’t know how to listen. They all want to have authority in the class. But with what they’re doing, they are just making a fool out of their selves. Ughh, those people! Okay, enough with my block-mates-rant.

If you think that’s just all, well, sorry but there happen to be more.

There are more crucial dilemmas than those listed.
Several of those have something to do with my relationship to other people: family, relatives, friends, former friends.
I’m living with my mother and brother since I was born, but we’ve have lots of issues, none of those were resolved.
I feel uneasy dealing with relatives, I have lots of reasons for that but there’s no need for enumerating those.
I have to face the fact that all of my high school friends are busy, but I just hope we can all find the time to have a get together in spite of our hectic schedules.
Regarding college friends, again, it’s college. I hope they’ll be able to fathom the difference between high school and college.
Now we go to my former friends, I have lots of them; most of them fall on the miserably-pathetic-loser category, can’t they just stop pestering me?! Get a life or just get lost!

I got to rest; my clock says it’s two o’clock in the morning now.

Another senseless-rant entry this is and a waste of reading time for you.

Jeepney Trip with Lola

2008-06-30T11:11:00.000-07:00

To get to school, I have two choices of routes, both requires two jeepney rides. One is shorter, however, I have to take a five-minute walk and the place is really undesirable, for me. The other one is somewhat longer, but it is very familiar to me and safer than the former.

This morning, I took my usual route.

On the first jeepney, when I took a few coins, I got disappointed to find out that I left my mobile phone at home. I forgot to slip it in my bag. Oh well, it seldom happens.

There is a Roman Catholic Church en route of the trip, which I regularly passed by. As a member of the said church (If you’re thinking that I’m a religious person, sorry but I happen to be not one) and as a sign of respect, I do the Sign of the Cross whenever I go by a church. After doing so, the old woman at the other end of the vehicle started to say something. I don’t know what it really was since her I couldn’t hear her clearly. That somewhat disturbed me.

I got off the jeep to take the next trip which is longer than the first one. The old woman also alighted at the same place. I didn’t walk by her side because at that time I don’t have an idea where she’ll be going.

I reached the loading and unloading area (I think the place is really a loading and unloading zone) and was kind of surprised when I saw her right beside me. She asked me regarding which jeepney should I take. The old woman recognized my school uniform, and she knows where the campus is. I then asked her where her destination is; she answered and said that she is going to Harrison Plaza.

I hailed a jeepney, the one that I should take, asked if it’ll reach Harrison Plaza. The driver said no, I changed my mind on taking that one. She asked why I didn’t get on it, I just smiled.

We waited a few moments and successfully found a jeep that we can both take.

As one of the passengers was about to get off the vehicle, the old woman asked, “Bayad ka na ba?” The woman answered yes and got off. Then the old woman talked to me and to the other passengers and said, “Naku! Maraming mga pasahero ang di nagbabayad ng pamasahe. May mga nakakasabay ako simple lang, text ng text tapos bababa na di pa bayad.” I just smiled at her as the other passengers stared at her.

The vehicle stopped as the red traffic light lit. A young man in tattered clothes got inside, cleaned our shoes with a dirty rag, and begged for money. When he faced the old woman, she told him “Wala akong pera, nilibre nga lang ako ng pamasahe eh.” I’m not sure about the first thing she said, but I’m pretty sure about the latter. When the young man disembarked, she turned to us again and said, “Mas mabuti na yan kaysa magnakaw sila.”

As I said, the trip was long, so she lightly slept. But she did opened her eyes when I was about to get off. She thanked me and bid goodbye. I smiled at her, uttered my usual “Take care”, and bid goodbye.

~~~~~~~

I’m not really sure what I felt when she started to talk to me, it was something awkward for me.

I guessed I’m just missing something, someone – my grandmother.

In her old age, my grandmother can still travel from Manila to Pangasinan alone. She even accompanies some of our relatives in the province to government establishments in Metro Manila. She always visits us whenever she can, and she does bring foods too.

That was when she was still alive. She died three years ago. I can still remember that I was very shocked when I saw her at the hospital’s Intensive Care Unit. Her pitiful look that time made me wished that it’s better to see her serenely sleeping inside a coffin rather than to see her suffering in pain.

Rest in eternal peace, my dear lola.

Out of Order

2008-06-27T00:45:00.000-07:00

Sleepless nights.
Pimple-infested face.
Dark and heavy eye-bags.
Unwanted weight gain (If you are thinking that I'm having a baby, well, I'm not).

Something has been really bugging me this past few days, no, months I think. But I’m not sure what it is or what are they. I don’t exactly know what is happening to me. There are a lot of things running in my mind and it seems that my head is clouded with thoughts.

And before my head goes out-of-order, I better flush the toilet now!

~~~~~~~

My first mistake, can’t help but think of him. We had a not-so-good relationship, and a very terrible break-up. A one-year-and-eight-month relationship it was, and the drama was like against all odds, I need not to go into details about that. Well, now I don’t know if I miss him or just the stuffs that we do together. Thoughts of him keep hunting me, and it is hell.

When I was feeling down, a guy came. Everything seemed to be fine at first, but he had his own agenda. And stupid I fell for the trap he set. After a month of pretense, I decided to put back my barriers. Though I know I only made a wall out of straws. I broke up with him, he refused the idea but I don’t give a damn about that. The guy is miserable and pretty hopeless. That was like almost a year ago, but up to now, he still keeps on bothering me and my friends. Still, what he is doing has an advantage; he provides us entertainment with all his woes.

In a few months, I’ll no more be a college student. That doesn’t mean that I’ll be dropped out of college. Hopefully, I’ll graduate next year. After that, I definitely have no idea what will happen to me. Will I be welcomed by the unemployed society of this country? Or be hired by some firm? My plan after this taken-for-granted four years of college is to take a second degree in a decent university, but the thing is I don’t have money for it. So with this, we go back to the two questions. Sigh, whatever!

Someone I know infuriates me. In fact, she happens to be a college friend. The thing about her is her major attitude problem. She keeps on pretending, feigning, and acting imprudently. We confronted her about the matter by having an open forum. But it looks like she didn’t get the idea why we had a forum like that. And now, the problem just got worse.

I’m troubled by my two guy friends. I’m not sure about it, but my instincts are telling me something. And with their acts, it is quite obvious. I’m sorry to the both of you, insert I love you as friends drama here.

~~~~~~~

So these are some of the thoughts that are circling in my head. This is quite a selfish entry I think, but I just have to put it here.

Toilet flushed.

The [Mandatory] Introduction

2008-05-23T23:47:00.000-07:00

Blogging, *sigh* I miss it. It isn’t new to me, since I had about four or five blogs but had to delete them due to personal reasons. As for this blog, I can’t tell if it will end up the same as my past blogs.
So what is with this blog?
Oh well, it’s just my little trash bin in the big blog-o-sphere.
A trash bin?
Yes, you read that right. A trash bin, specifically, MY trash bin. This is where I’m going to throw all the ideas, emotions, or anything as long as it is not obscene.
It is only through this tiny space in the World Wide Web that I express my freedom, though it is only through writing or posting entries.

As a blogger, I’m sorry to say that I am no writer. Don’t expect some deep philosophical thoughts. I just write down whatever I want to. I simply want to express myself along with my crazy ideas.

As for the layout, I'll be fixing it whenever I have the time and if I'm not so lazy to make a design.

That is all for now.
Welcome to this wonderful trash bin, err, place.