Somebody should congratulate me for being wretched.
This Monday began satisfyingly, but it seems like fate is playing a trick on me because it ended up repulsively.
I did not encounter any problems on my way to school and during my first class. But the professor in my second class gave us a bad news concerning our class schedule. She rescheduled it which made me despise her more. Our professor in third class was absent that day which made our vacant time longer that led to something. Our original vacant period every Monday is from 2:30pm to 4:00pm, since our professor for the 4:00pm to 5:30pm class wasn’t able to show up that day, our 1.5 hours idle time became 3 hours.
So, a classmate invited us for a drink before our last class. Well, I agreed to have just one bottle since I have a report for the last class. After a bottle was emptied and a message we got from a classmate that our professor had arrived, we went back to school. We finished our report in less than 15 minutes so the professor dismissed as a bit early which resulted for a second round. We got back to the place and resumed our drinking session.
We enjoyed discussing whatever stuff we land on to which was the reason why we got home late. I got to admit that I was pretty much over my head that night. I was oblivious on how I got home, believe it or not, safely. I’m not sure if I fell asleep on the trip, one thing remains certain I got home!
Still, I have a thesis to work on which was due on the next day.
Tuesday kicked off the other way around, from the moment I woke up till the time that I was out happened to be dreadfully atrocious. I have to thank the pleasant ambiance at our place that helped a bit in simmering down my temper.
I got up at exactly 5:18 in the morning having only about four hours of sleep. First thing I did, face the computer and open all the files that I need to work on for my, rather, our thesis. I don’t happen to be Super Girl I couldn’t finish it before 1:00pm so I messaged some of my somehow reliable group mates. Thank goodness that at least three of them were already awake that morning and were willing to partake in thesis writing. In a group, there are eight members; in our group, there are only four working members. So far, the other four members did contribute something, their full names only.
Cramming is really not healthy, but that’s how my group mates want to carry it out. I guess it is because they are more powered by adrenaline rush. They think that it’s just as easy as that. Oh, why am I blustering about it? I should be grateful that at least some of them helped.
There was something wrong with me. My brain wasn’t functioning well, hangover I assumed. I wanted to rest but I couldn’t since I have to accomplish the study’s first part .Funny thing, I was surprised that I have bruises in my arms, which I don’t have any idea how I got.
We somehow managed to make the first part of the study though it’s flawed, and were able to pass it.
My second class was bull crap. I was asked by the professor to recite about our assignment. One thing I hate to do - to recite. Rarely do I get the courage to raise my hand and recite. I do know the lesson, though not that much, but I’m not sure with my answers. And as I presumed, I gave them the wrong answers. Just my luck, no one wanted to help me with that.
The rescheduled class last Monday was placed on the 5:30pm to 8:30pm slot. The professor’s way of teaching and the length of the period were very lethargic. All of us were complaining but we can’t do anything about it.
The not-so-good body condition, plus the thesis, plus obstinate group mates, plus awful professors, equal to a very terrible mood for me.
I was trying to work on my mood but to no avail nothing worked. I drank a cup of coffee which wasn’t effective. Drowned myself in sound waves, music therapy wasn’t the solution for my mood. I went straight to SM after class to have a Frappé, since I was very fortunate; they were already preparing to close the stall.
Good thing was that the ambiance at our place when I got home was quite good which someway helped in clearing my mind.
As of the moment, my mind isn't functioning well and it's almost four o'clock in the morning.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Saturday, July 19, 2008
A Good Talk with a Stranger
“Mukha ba akong manloloko?”
A guy friend’s friend asked as I was staring blankly outside the window flicking a cigarette.
“Uhh, yes? But I’m not sure about it since I don’t know you,” I answered.
It was my college friend’s birthday celebration at his pad somewhere in Makati. He invited a few college friends and two high school best friends. We plunged into the pool, ate, filled ourselves with alcoholic beverages, puffed some cigarettes, sang our hearts out, played “games”, and some other stuffs.
I was totally pissed off that night because of some reasons that shouldn’t be put here, so I wanted my time alone. I sat by the window, puffed the cigarette that lasted only two to three minutes. A guy sat in front of me, my guy friend’s best friend. He’s face is familiar, I seldom see him at school since we’re attending the same university. Out of the blue, he asked me something which initiated a good conversation between the two of us.
He’s a psychology major, I suppose by the way how he read a person. We talked about a lot of things. He narrated about his miserable love experience that led to open up about mine. Life issues were brought up, family problems and the like. It's as if we were really close to each other to talk about personal stuffs. We tackled different topics that steered to another matter. We happen to have our own beliefs but we do respect each other’s views. We That was a good discussion, a sensible one.
But I was puzzled when he asked me if I put on a lip gloss. I answered no with a quizzical look. I only applied powder to my face, and I didn’t even comb my hair that night. Then, he said that I looked like I was wearing a lip gloss though I smoke. As we chat that night, he kept on making remarks about my lips which made me laugh.
He asked personal questions, but I didn’t answer it all since I’m not obliged to. He even dared me for a “truth-or-truth game” but I told him that he should convince the other people to join the game. The light crept in; it was about five or six in the morning. It was time to go home so we weren’t able to play “truth-or-truth”.
I went home thinking about all the things that we discussed about.
We did see each other inside the campus, but there are no hi's or smiles whenever we passed by each other. It's as if we don't know each other, like strangers.
A guy friend’s friend asked as I was staring blankly outside the window flicking a cigarette.
“Uhh, yes? But I’m not sure about it since I don’t know you,” I answered.
It was my college friend’s birthday celebration at his pad somewhere in Makati. He invited a few college friends and two high school best friends. We plunged into the pool, ate, filled ourselves with alcoholic beverages, puffed some cigarettes, sang our hearts out, played “games”, and some other stuffs.
I was totally pissed off that night because of some reasons that shouldn’t be put here, so I wanted my time alone. I sat by the window, puffed the cigarette that lasted only two to three minutes. A guy sat in front of me, my guy friend’s best friend. He’s face is familiar, I seldom see him at school since we’re attending the same university. Out of the blue, he asked me something which initiated a good conversation between the two of us.
He’s a psychology major, I suppose by the way how he read a person. We talked about a lot of things. He narrated about his miserable love experience that led to open up about mine. Life issues were brought up, family problems and the like. It's as if we were really close to each other to talk about personal stuffs. We tackled different topics that steered to another matter. We happen to have our own beliefs but we do respect each other’s views. We That was a good discussion, a sensible one.
But I was puzzled when he asked me if I put on a lip gloss. I answered no with a quizzical look. I only applied powder to my face, and I didn’t even comb my hair that night. Then, he said that I looked like I was wearing a lip gloss though I smoke. As we chat that night, he kept on making remarks about my lips which made me laugh.
He asked personal questions, but I didn’t answer it all since I’m not obliged to. He even dared me for a “truth-or-truth game” but I told him that he should convince the other people to join the game. The light crept in; it was about five or six in the morning. It was time to go home so we weren’t able to play “truth-or-truth”.
I went home thinking about all the things that we discussed about.
We did see each other inside the campus, but there are no hi's or smiles whenever we passed by each other. It's as if we don't know each other, like strangers.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Banana Peel
My head is overloaded, yet again. The series of events these past weeks were totally not appalling. And my mind can’t even absorb a thing today, it’s still clouded. Thoughts out of various stuffs keep on running in my mind, which I happen to find very unhealthy.
I should loosen up, I really have to. I need a rest from some things and be away from some people. But I don’t have the time for that now. Because my hands are full with school works, those stuffs keep me busy since classes started. I got to take some time alone, seeing your college friends four times a week and being with them the whole day makes me feel sort of queasy, it’s not because I don’t like those people it’s just that I want some space.
Today, as I presumed, is not a good one.
I woke up early to continue doing an assignment, but I wasn’t able to finish it.
I got to school late because of that.
I brought all of my reference books for my classes today, but I was upset to find out that we were excused from our second class meaning that my effort for bringing a large and thick book was wasted.
We, this time it isn’t only me, were exasperated by our most irritating block mates. I really can’t stand their bull crap ideas. They all keep on talking at the same time; they don’t know how to listen. They all want to have authority in the class. But with what they’re doing, they are just making a fool out of their selves. Ughh, those people! Okay, enough with my block-mates-rant.
If you think that’s just all, well, sorry but there happen to be more.
There are more crucial dilemmas than those listed.
Several of those have something to do with my relationship to other people: family, relatives, friends, former friends.
I’m living with my mother and brother since I was born, but we’ve have lots of issues, none of those were resolved.
I feel uneasy dealing with relatives, I have lots of reasons for that but there’s no need for enumerating those.
I have to face the fact that all of my high school friends are busy, but I just hope we can all find the time to have a get together in spite of our hectic schedules.
Regarding college friends, again, it’s college. I hope they’ll be able to fathom the difference between high school and college.
Now we go to my former friends, I have lots of them; most of them fall on the miserably-pathetic-loser category, can’t they just stop pestering me?! Get a life or just get lost!
I got to rest; my clock says it’s two o’clock in the morning now.
Another senseless-rant entry this is and a waste of reading time for you.
I should loosen up, I really have to. I need a rest from some things and be away from some people. But I don’t have the time for that now. Because my hands are full with school works, those stuffs keep me busy since classes started. I got to take some time alone, seeing your college friends four times a week and being with them the whole day makes me feel sort of queasy, it’s not because I don’t like those people it’s just that I want some space.
Today, as I presumed, is not a good one.
I woke up early to continue doing an assignment, but I wasn’t able to finish it.
I got to school late because of that.
I brought all of my reference books for my classes today, but I was upset to find out that we were excused from our second class meaning that my effort for bringing a large and thick book was wasted.
We, this time it isn’t only me, were exasperated by our most irritating block mates. I really can’t stand their bull crap ideas. They all keep on talking at the same time; they don’t know how to listen. They all want to have authority in the class. But with what they’re doing, they are just making a fool out of their selves. Ughh, those people! Okay, enough with my block-mates-rant.
If you think that’s just all, well, sorry but there happen to be more.
There are more crucial dilemmas than those listed.
Several of those have something to do with my relationship to other people: family, relatives, friends, former friends.
I’m living with my mother and brother since I was born, but we’ve have lots of issues, none of those were resolved.
I feel uneasy dealing with relatives, I have lots of reasons for that but there’s no need for enumerating those.
I have to face the fact that all of my high school friends are busy, but I just hope we can all find the time to have a get together in spite of our hectic schedules.
Regarding college friends, again, it’s college. I hope they’ll be able to fathom the difference between high school and college.
Now we go to my former friends, I have lots of them; most of them fall on the miserably-pathetic-loser category, can’t they just stop pestering me?! Get a life or just get lost!
I got to rest; my clock says it’s two o’clock in the morning now.
Another senseless-rant entry this is and a waste of reading time for you.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Jeepney Trip with Lola
To get to school, I have two choices of routes, both requires two jeepney rides. One is shorter, however, I have to take a five-minute walk and the place is really undesirable, for me. The other one is somewhat longer, but it is very familiar to me and safer than the former.
This morning, I took my usual route.
On the first jeepney, when I took a few coins, I got disappointed to find out that I left my mobile phone at home. I forgot to slip it in my bag. Oh well, it seldom happens.
There is a Roman Catholic Church en route of the trip, which I regularly passed by. As a member of the said church (If you’re thinking that I’m a religious person, sorry but I happen to be not one) and as a sign of respect, I do the Sign of the Cross whenever I go by a church. After doing so, the old woman at the other end of the vehicle started to say something. I don’t know what it really was since her I couldn’t hear her clearly. That somewhat disturbed me.
I got off the jeep to take the next trip which is longer than the first one. The old woman also alighted at the same place. I didn’t walk by her side because at that time I don’t have an idea where she’ll be going.
I reached the loading and unloading area (I think the place is really a loading and unloading zone) and was kind of surprised when I saw her right beside me. She asked me regarding which jeepney should I take. The old woman recognized my school uniform, and she knows where the campus is. I then asked her where her destination is; she answered and said that she is going to Harrison Plaza.
I hailed a jeepney, the one that I should take, asked if it’ll reach Harrison Plaza. The driver said no, I changed my mind on taking that one. She asked why I didn’t get on it, I just smiled.
We waited a few moments and successfully found a jeep that we can both take.
As one of the passengers was about to get off the vehicle, the old woman asked, “Bayad ka na ba?” The woman answered yes and got off. Then the old woman talked to me and to the other passengers and said, “Naku! Maraming mga pasahero ang di nagbabayad ng pamasahe. May mga nakakasabay ako simple lang, text ng text tapos bababa na di pa bayad.” I just smiled at her as the other passengers stared at her.
The vehicle stopped as the red traffic light lit. A young man in tattered clothes got inside, cleaned our shoes with a dirty rag, and begged for money. When he faced the old woman, she told him “Wala akong pera, nilibre nga lang ako ng pamasahe eh.” I’m not sure about the first thing she said, but I’m pretty sure about the latter. When the young man disembarked, she turned to us again and said, “Mas mabuti na yan kaysa magnakaw sila.”
As I said, the trip was long, so she lightly slept. But she did opened her eyes when I was about to get off. She thanked me and bid goodbye. I smiled at her, uttered my usual “Take care”, and bid goodbye.
I’m not really sure what I felt when she started to talk to me, it was something awkward for me.
I guessed I’m just missing something, someone – my grandmother.
In her old age, my grandmother can still travel from Manila to Pangasinan alone. She even accompanies some of our relatives in the province to government establishments in Metro Manila. She always visits us whenever she can, and she does bring foods too.
That was when she was still alive. She died three years ago. I can still remember that I was very shocked when I saw her at the hospital’s Intensive Care Unit. Her pitiful look that time made me wished that it’s better to see her serenely sleeping inside a coffin rather than to see her suffering in pain.
Rest in eternal peace, my dear lola.
This morning, I took my usual route.
On the first jeepney, when I took a few coins, I got disappointed to find out that I left my mobile phone at home. I forgot to slip it in my bag. Oh well, it seldom happens.
There is a Roman Catholic Church en route of the trip, which I regularly passed by. As a member of the said church (If you’re thinking that I’m a religious person, sorry but I happen to be not one) and as a sign of respect, I do the Sign of the Cross whenever I go by a church. After doing so, the old woman at the other end of the vehicle started to say something. I don’t know what it really was since her I couldn’t hear her clearly. That somewhat disturbed me.
I got off the jeep to take the next trip which is longer than the first one. The old woman also alighted at the same place. I didn’t walk by her side because at that time I don’t have an idea where she’ll be going.
I reached the loading and unloading area (I think the place is really a loading and unloading zone) and was kind of surprised when I saw her right beside me. She asked me regarding which jeepney should I take. The old woman recognized my school uniform, and she knows where the campus is. I then asked her where her destination is; she answered and said that she is going to Harrison Plaza.
I hailed a jeepney, the one that I should take, asked if it’ll reach Harrison Plaza. The driver said no, I changed my mind on taking that one. She asked why I didn’t get on it, I just smiled.
We waited a few moments and successfully found a jeep that we can both take.
As one of the passengers was about to get off the vehicle, the old woman asked, “Bayad ka na ba?” The woman answered yes and got off. Then the old woman talked to me and to the other passengers and said, “Naku! Maraming mga pasahero ang di nagbabayad ng pamasahe. May mga nakakasabay ako simple lang, text ng text tapos bababa na di pa bayad.” I just smiled at her as the other passengers stared at her.
The vehicle stopped as the red traffic light lit. A young man in tattered clothes got inside, cleaned our shoes with a dirty rag, and begged for money. When he faced the old woman, she told him “Wala akong pera, nilibre nga lang ako ng pamasahe eh.” I’m not sure about the first thing she said, but I’m pretty sure about the latter. When the young man disembarked, she turned to us again and said, “Mas mabuti na yan kaysa magnakaw sila.”
As I said, the trip was long, so she lightly slept. But she did opened her eyes when I was about to get off. She thanked me and bid goodbye. I smiled at her, uttered my usual “Take care”, and bid goodbye.
~~~~~~~
I’m not really sure what I felt when she started to talk to me, it was something awkward for me.
I guessed I’m just missing something, someone – my grandmother.
In her old age, my grandmother can still travel from Manila to Pangasinan alone. She even accompanies some of our relatives in the province to government establishments in Metro Manila. She always visits us whenever she can, and she does bring foods too.
That was when she was still alive. She died three years ago. I can still remember that I was very shocked when I saw her at the hospital’s Intensive Care Unit. Her pitiful look that time made me wished that it’s better to see her serenely sleeping inside a coffin rather than to see her suffering in pain.
Rest in eternal peace, my dear lola.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Out of Order
Sleepless nights.
Pimple-infested face.
Dark and heavy eye-bags.
Unwanted weight gain (If you are thinking that I'm having a baby, well, I'm not).
Something has been really bugging me this past few days, no, months I think. But I’m not sure what it is or what are they. I don’t exactly know what is happening to me. There are a lot of things running in my mind and it seems that my head is clouded with thoughts.
And before my head goes out-of-order, I better flush the toilet now!
My first mistake, can’t help but think of him. We had a not-so-good relationship, and a very terrible break-up. A one-year-and-eight-month relationship it was, and the drama was like against all odds, I need not to go into details about that. Well, now I don’t know if I miss him or just the stuffs that we do together. Thoughts of him keep hunting me, and it is hell.
When I was feeling down, a guy came. Everything seemed to be fine at first, but he had his own agenda. And stupid I fell for the trap he set. After a month of pretense, I decided to put back my barriers. Though I know I only made a wall out of straws. I broke up with him, he refused the idea but I don’t give a damn about that. The guy is miserable and pretty hopeless. That was like almost a year ago, but up to now, he still keeps on bothering me and my friends. Still, what he is doing has an advantage; he provides us entertainment with all his woes.
In a few months, I’ll no more be a college student. That doesn’t mean that I’ll be dropped out of college. Hopefully, I’ll graduate next year. After that, I definitely have no idea what will happen to me. Will I be welcomed by the unemployed society of this country? Or be hired by some firm? My plan after this taken-for-granted four years of college is to take a second degree in a decent university, but the thing is I don’t have money for it. So with this, we go back to the two questions. Sigh, whatever!
Someone I know infuriates me. In fact, she happens to be a college friend. The thing about her is her major attitude problem. She keeps on pretending, feigning, and acting imprudently. We confronted her about the matter by having an open forum. But it looks like she didn’t get the idea why we had a forum like that. And now, the problem just got worse.
I’m troubled by my two guy friends. I’m not sure about it, but my instincts are telling me something. And with their acts, it is quite obvious. I’m sorry to the both of you, insert I love you as friends drama here.
So these are some of the thoughts that are circling in my head. This is quite a selfish entry I think, but I just have to put it here.
Toilet flushed.
Pimple-infested face.
Dark and heavy eye-bags.
Unwanted weight gain (If you are thinking that I'm having a baby, well, I'm not).
Something has been really bugging me this past few days, no, months I think. But I’m not sure what it is or what are they. I don’t exactly know what is happening to me. There are a lot of things running in my mind and it seems that my head is clouded with thoughts.
And before my head goes out-of-order, I better flush the toilet now!
~~~~~~~
My first mistake, can’t help but think of him. We had a not-so-good relationship, and a very terrible break-up. A one-year-and-eight-month relationship it was, and the drama was like against all odds, I need not to go into details about that. Well, now I don’t know if I miss him or just the stuffs that we do together. Thoughts of him keep hunting me, and it is hell.
When I was feeling down, a guy came. Everything seemed to be fine at first, but he had his own agenda. And stupid I fell for the trap he set. After a month of pretense, I decided to put back my barriers. Though I know I only made a wall out of straws. I broke up with him, he refused the idea but I don’t give a damn about that. The guy is miserable and pretty hopeless. That was like almost a year ago, but up to now, he still keeps on bothering me and my friends. Still, what he is doing has an advantage; he provides us entertainment with all his woes.
In a few months, I’ll no more be a college student. That doesn’t mean that I’ll be dropped out of college. Hopefully, I’ll graduate next year. After that, I definitely have no idea what will happen to me. Will I be welcomed by the unemployed society of this country? Or be hired by some firm? My plan after this taken-for-granted four years of college is to take a second degree in a decent university, but the thing is I don’t have money for it. So with this, we go back to the two questions. Sigh, whatever!
Someone I know infuriates me. In fact, she happens to be a college friend. The thing about her is her major attitude problem. She keeps on pretending, feigning, and acting imprudently. We confronted her about the matter by having an open forum. But it looks like she didn’t get the idea why we had a forum like that. And now, the problem just got worse.
I’m troubled by my two guy friends. I’m not sure about it, but my instincts are telling me something. And with their acts, it is quite obvious. I’m sorry to the both of you, insert I love you as friends drama here.
~~~~~~~
So these are some of the thoughts that are circling in my head. This is quite a selfish entry I think, but I just have to put it here.
Toilet flushed.
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